When Parenting Needs to Change: How to Raise Resilient Teens and Launch Them Into Adulthood
- Janice Taylor
- Jul 1
- 5 min read
As I get ready to launch my teens into the world, I’ve had to face a tough truth:
My parenting style needs to evolve.
What worked when they were toddlers—snuggles, constant supervision, tight routines—doesn’t work anymore. Back then, I was everything: comforter, disciplinarian, teacher, protector, and the list goes on and on...
But now?
One of my kids is preparing to leave home. Another will be close behind.
And I’m realizing what many overwhelmed parents eventually face:
It’s time to parent differently.
But before I stepped into something new, I had to look at where I was and how I was showing up, including the habits and patterns I didn’t even realize I had.
Because how we parent shapes everything—not just our child’s behavior but also their confidence, choices, and future. And let’s be real: sometimes, what we think is helping… is actually hurting.
I didn’t want to keep repeating patterns that might be doing more harm than good. So I took a step back and looked closely at the four main parenting styles—to get clear on how I was parenting, and what my children need from me in this season.
The 4 Parenting Styles That Impact Your Child’s Future
There are countless theories on parenting styles, but they often fall into four main approaches. Understanding your default style—and how it affects your teen’s development—is the first step toward parenting transformation.
Let’s break them down.
Disclaimer: I named each parenting style in a way that felt relatable and easy to remember.
1. The "Dictator" Parenting Style: Power Over Connection
This “my way or the highway” approach demands obedience. The parents’ authority is the law. There’s little room for emotions, discussion, or independence. Disciplining through punishment is key.
While this parenting style may create short-term compliance, it often leads to long-term emotional harm.
Teens raised in this environment learn to please others instead of trusting themselves. They’re more likely to enter abusive or toxic relationships—romantic or professional—because they’ve been conditioned to prioritize external authority over their own inner voice.
Parenting Impact:
Suppressed identity
Fear of failure or rejection
High risk for toxic relationships
More likely to retaliate and engage in substance abuse, or other risky behaviors at a young age
2. The "Motherly" Parenting Style: Love Rooted in Fear
This parenting style is usually motivated by love but driven by anxiety.
You want to protect your child from pain, failure, and disappointment. You micromanage, solve problems before they happen, and stay five steps ahead—just to keep everything “under control.”
But here’s the harm:
Your child doesn’t learn to trust themselves.
They don’t develop resilience, emotional regulation, or strong decision-making skills. They become dependent—on you.
And let’s be honest: some of this fear also comes from worrying what others might think if your child fails or struggles. Your actions are frequently influenced by your reputation and how others perceive both your child and you as a parent.
Parenting Impact:
Kids lack independence, and fear is placed to leave the home as adults.
Parents feel exhausted and resentful, and the child is supposed to repay them for all they have done for them.
Emotional enmeshment replaces connection.
Child struggles with self-trust and anxiety. Constantly needing to be around someone to be there for them.
3. The "Ghost" Parenting Style: Survival Mode and Disconnection
Sometimes, life just gets too heavy. Trauma, mental health struggles, burnout, or sheer exhaustion can lead parents to be emotionally (or physically) uninvolved.
In this style, the child is left to figure life out on their own. They might look independent, but they’re often carrying more than they’re equipped to handle.
Without a safe, consistent adult reflecting their worth, they struggle to discover who they really are. They go looking for identity and validation in risky places—through peers, online, or even harmful relationships.
Parenting Impact:
Kids lack direction and a healthy identity
Increased exposure to harmful behaviors
Emotional and behavioral struggles
Parent-child disconnection
4. The "Mentor" Parenting Style: The Key to Raising Resilient Teens
This is the style that works, especially during the teen years and beyond.
The Mentor parent is grounded, present, and emotionally regulated. They don’t fix every problem—but they don’t disappear either. They provide structure and safety, while also allowing freedom and failure.
This parent acts as a driving instructor in their child's life, assisting them in navigating the complexities of growing up. They demonstrate how to handle upcoming challenges without taking over the wheel. Rather, they instruct and mentor their child on how to chart their own path positively and constructively. Through patience and support, they aid their child in developing the skills necessary to embark on their own journey, driving into a future brimming with opportunities.
They model emotional intelligence, guide through mistakes, and respond with clarity—not fear or control. Mistakes are accepted as learning opportunities for the great journey ahead.
Parenting Impact:
Teens build resilience and self-trust
Healthy boundaries and emotional connection
Parents lead with confidence, not reactivity
Long-term relationship that grows into adulthood
Reduced likelihood of a child participating in risky behaviors or forming unhealthy relationships
The beauty of the Mentor-style parenting is watching your child step into the driver’s seat—not with fear, but with confidence—while you finally let go with peace, knowing they’ve got what they need for the road ahead.
But here’s something important I want you to hear:
If you’ve found yourself using one of the other parenting styles—whether out of love, fear, exhaustion, or survival—that doesn’t mean you’ve failed. In fact, it means you care deeply. You’ve been doing what you thought was best with the tools you had at the time.
There’s no room for guilt or shame here. Only growth.
You should feel proud to be the kind of parent who’s willing to reflect, to learn, and to try something new—for the sake of your child and your relationship with them. That’s not weakness. That’s strength.
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